The view from my old dormitory・Goth girls・church bells・the modern Chinese middle-class home
There was a time in my life when I used to live very close to a river. That was during a year when I got a scholarship to study as an exchange student at a certain university in the East Anglia part of England.
The view from my old university dorm in England where I could see a river flowing past.
But let me explain a bit about the general geography before I get to what it means to leave to live near a river. The town I lived in has a long history dating back to medieval times, and it has more churches than I could count. Having a lot of medieval churches in town means that you can tell the time by listening to the ringing of church bells, and during festival times like Christmas there would be extended tolling of church bells at midnight. I was also lucky in being assigned a dorm room with a view of a river that runs through the town. On sunny days, I sometimes saw real ducks swimming past.
Having a river means that there is humidity, and humidity means the formation of mists. So during certain times and under certain weather conditions, the entire town would be covered by heavy mists.
One winter night, no sooner had I gone to bed did my mobile phone suddenly begin to ring. It was from a friend of mine who was a goth girl. Not having ever been a goth girl myself, I must say that it was a miraculous twist of fate that an Apollonian type like yours truly ever made any friends with the Dionysian type like goth girls. But friends we were – we used to muck around places like Waterstone’s, standing before the literature section, browsing from A for Louisa May Alcott and Z for Émile Zola, and talking about what we thought of the stories. Or we would browse the art section, chatting about the Pre-Raphaelites or Audrey Beardsley.
Generally speaking, goth girls are culturally sensitive, well-read and intelligent to talk to (if they ever warm up to you enough to talk to you at all). They tend be interested in foreign cultures in the form of manga and anime too, but they also tend to lack the self-discipline or the drive for self-improvement to learn a foreign language. In fact, three words you will often hear from goth girls are “I hate myself”. They often need to be reassured for the thousandth they are fine human beings, and even so they still end up being irresistibly drawn into a fathomless dark hole of self-destruction.
But to come to back my goth girl friend. That night, she had just returned from some goth event and missed the last train to go home. So she called me. “Look out window,” she said. I did. It was dark and shrouded in mists outside. Slowly, she (dressed in her usual top hat, Victorian-looking dress and swirling full-length black cape) emerged from the mists into visibility under a street light as though she were acting in a movie (these goth girls sure have a sense of drama). “Want to go for a walk in the moonlight?” she asked through the phone. I put on my great coat and sneaked outside to join her, while still wearing my pajamas underneath. That was a strange night. We just walked on and on around that medieval town – she in her great cape and I in my pajamas. Finally we got tired of walking, and I smuggled her into my dorm room, and we watched a DVD of Wong Kar-Wai’s Ashes of Time with my computer while we waited for daybreak.
In early morning, I smuggled her outside and watched her departing figure vanish into the morning mists. As she left, church bells from near and far rang in unison to tell that it was the start of a day…
It was as though the whole night had been nothing but a dream.
So that was what I suddenly thought of when I recently began to research on a property in Mainland China to buy for my parents to retire in in their old age (I wrote about it here). Whenever I saw an artificial lake or river built into the landscape of those gated communities, I would wonder to myself if mists would arise from them under certain weather conditions. I also thought of my old friend. I think the Palladian elements which seem to be in vogue at the moment would please her aesthetic sense. But however much the architects incorporate those old (and sadly no longer practised) European ideals of beauty, harmony and proportion in living space within those gated communities, I doubt that they would go so far as to imitate the tolling of church bells to create the same atmosphere. I also doubt that I would ever see real ducks swimming in those artificial lakes or rivers. I also doubt that eccentric friends dressed in a swirling full-length black cape coming in the middle of the night to ask you to go for “a walk in the moonlight” would ever get past the security guards.
I miss the tolling of church bells.
Wow, this is odd because I know EXACTLY where that photo was taken! I was at that very same university (2000-2004…it seems like a lifetime ago now) and a few of my friends lived in that place next to the river. I have a sentimental attachment to that place what with it being my home town and all, but yeah. That branch of Waterstones claimed a bit of my student loan over the years too. ^_^’
I really enjoyed your little anecdote about the goth girl though…reminds me of a few people in that city I knew as well. Reading it now it has a Murakami-esque vibe to but I can’t put my finger on exactly why. Thanks for sharing anyway – it brought back some good memories.
Martin:
The thing is, I have been asking friends from N. America / Europe who have come to work on this side of the Pacific several questions recently:
Whatever happened to the goths they used to know at high school/university? How do they fare in the current economic environment and what kind of jobs do they get? Do goths go on being goths in middle-age?
It seems that either the goths tend to commit suicide, or get out of it after a really bad slump of alcohol, drugs and general self-destruction to lead a normal life, even if normal life seems to be… a jaded existence of McJob (goths tend not to have the stellar grades to make it to the lucrative and prestigious corporate jobs).
It is just strange and a little sad for me to observe all these otherwise intelligent and sensitive people wobbling in self-hate and to whom there seems to be no future. You seldom see that sort of pessimism/nihilism on this side of the Pacific – here people are more upbeat and confident that the future will be even better than today.
It has been years and years since I last laid eyes on a goth.
Your story is so dream-like indeed. What wonderful memories! I wish I had some! It’s so awesome to have friends of all kinds and live in environments of all kind!
Wow, what a picture this paints in my mind :]
Not really related, but I came across this flash comic the other day and was reminded of your post for some reason.
http://yuumei.deviantart.com/art/Knite-Chapter-1-151132545
You are right, goths will wither and fade by themself if they can’t find a soulmate as time passes.
However, with new technologies, unless they live in a very restricted area, they have the internet and its various medias to spread their reflection and keep on living with their passion or attitude.
Some years ago I lived in France around the Bretagne area, and every morning you had this eerie atmosphere, alone in the fog of the early hours of the day and the bell of the nearest church ringing…for sure it can wake some wild fantasies.
ayame:
Noted with thanks.
exlurker:
Oh, that is a very pretty flash comic. I especially like the contrast of light and darkness – the light looks so pretty. Many thanks for that!
ado:
I am inclined to agree about the soulmate part – the goth girls I knew were certainly like that. They always seemed to yearn for some understanding and sympathetic soul. In a way, I thought they were setting up themselves for abuse by vain and manipulative guys who preyed on that yearning.
Re:”Whatever happened to the goths they used to know at high school/university? How do they fare in the current economic environment and what kind of jobs do they get? Do goths go on being goths in middle-age?”
If it helps answer your questions some, my goth girl friends have gone on to-
+ work as an assistant editor at a large publishing company
+ develop an independent fetish/clubwear brand
+ do PR for a high-end (mainstream) fashion label
+ do sales for a feminist sex shop franchise while volunteering at an independent bookstore/coffee shop specializing in counterculture literature
+ work as an IB for JP Morgan
+ own and regularly practice at a veterinary clinic while freelancing as a translator
+ work as a digital user interface engineer for a Silicon Valley company
None of them have completely surrendered their gothic tendencies, but most have reigned them in. One friend likes to joke about being a poseur for making it out of adolescence alive, and ditching Crowley to worship at the House of Starbucks.